I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

So there’s this girl here who I’ve never met, but I wonder about her. What I wonder why every time she says a name, she mumbles it or tries not to say it. I asked her name: she mumbles & I had to ask 3 times to get it. I asked her brothers name, she looked at me strange & avoided the question all together. What makes a person want to not say people’s names? What makes someone avoid even their own name? I don’t think I like it. I don’t think I’m particularly fond of her either. Not proud of your own name? What the fuck is up with that? Not that it matters if I like her, or if she likes me. She’s a passing nobody to me. As I am to her. Oh maybe it’ll be something someday. Maybe she’ll buy be a bagel one day. But until that day, she still can’t qualify as real.

I understand shy people. They don’t want to stand out or outshine others, so they hide with their actions and speech – and it usually works. Then you meet a jerk like me that pressures you into being visible. Actually, I did the right thing. It’s a proven fact that the more extroverted you are, the happier you are.