I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Why is it so hard to tell someone you love them, but there’s nothing you can do about it. This nervousness I suffer within their presence just won’t do. It will destroy unless I can handle it. For truly there are only two ways to deal with the present situations. Go through with the discussed topics or forget them and say they will never happen. It’s so easy to say go on, but it’s so hard to fulfill this desire. I wish I could tell them I love them. Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. I want to. I just want to know what I should do to avoid any regrets down the line. I want my subconscious to give me the answer. I’m not as calm as I appear. I’m a tired wreck. Rosa, Kristin, I love you, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I wish things had been different. It’s unfortunate that we all have these barriers.

I don’t know about anyone reading these out there, but personally, I’m totally fascinated with the confliction I’m having over this whole thing. Who will I choose? Rosa – the wild South American whose heart is filled with lust? Or Kristin – the nice Midwestern girl that wants a boyfriend more than a fling?