I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Someone told me that the things I’m hearing are wrong. That they are the imaginings of hindsight. The things I said, though, were true. I have indeed been attracted to both for a long time. Whether or not I was told the right things, and if I sad the correct thing or not doesn’t matter. I didn’t do or say what I did so I could be the stud on campus. I said them because they were me and they were the things that I had left unsaid for so long. Whatever happens happens. I will not, for I cannot, look to the future.

I was going over my ‘dilemma’ of having two girls after me with my friend (who lived with them), and he told me two things I disagreed with. First, both claimed to have liked me since they first met me, and he felt that was their brain falsely filling in fact to justify their decision. Second, he said it sounded like how I responded to each made it look like I was trying to get with both of them. Both then and now, I didn’t agree with his assertions, but who’s to say what’s true?