I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

I think that everybody wants something in a life long relationship. Someone wants a guy in cowboy boots that will still take her out for a line dance twenty years down the road. Somebody else wants a person to be as addicted to them as they are to that person. I want to find happiness in solitude. I don’t ever want to let someone down. I want a child, but not a wife. I want a fuck, but not a mate. I want to know that everything I’m doing is for myself. I want to be a selfish non-symbiote that lives the happiest life, making all the couples think they could be better off without someone. I want to shine with the pride of my sexuality and approach to it. I want to be left alone when I need to be. I want contentment by myself, but once in a while, a person to keep me warm.

It seems that no matter who you are, when you break up with someone you go to one of two extremes. Either you totally have to be with as many people as possible, or you swear off dating and go it alone for a while. No one seems to take a middle of the road approach.