I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Just for a moment, I paused to think about that girl in ½ my classes. She has been dubbed “Dream Girl”, but not by me. Yet when I think about it, she matches in many ways. Long brown hair, name begins with S, I was captivated right away. I haven’t yet seen the eyes of blue yet. For some strange reason, I also think she’s a witch – it’s like I feel it in my imagination and know it to be real. I’m going to find out, hopefully. I’ve lost it once, but maybe that wasn’t the one. Destiny led me here and perhaps now I know why.

At times, when I think that I’m not in a movie, I know she would never do anything but smile & laugh at my bad jokes. It’s when I let it all loose that I know her, she stares at me and we dream of each other.

I feel like going up to her and saying “In a cloudy field of white, I have stared into your eyes before. Do you know me?” I won’t.

But I’ve got to know, because seeing her reminds me how true it all was. Maybe someday I’ll find out for sure. For right now I’m going to try to call to her in the meeting grounds we may have met in before. Even if she doesn’t answer, I’ll still find the one.

If it is her, then my path has been correct all along and I’ll have all of the Gods to thank.

Ah yes, Stephanie. A girl I became obsessed with during my first year of college. I had an instant crush on her. I love how I was convincing myself she was into witchcraft because that was what turned me on. Side note, the next girlfriend I had was into witchcraft and I learned that people who are into that annoy the shit out of me. What’s funny about reading this now is realizing I still do this bullshit move today where I get a crush on a girl and rather than, say, talking to her, I go on to have an imaginary relationship with her in my mind. When will I learn that I am unable to psychically connect with people? God, I make myself laugh. Oh, and another side note: Stephanie was eventually on the school TV news team, and a friend gave me a dvd of their most embarrassing moments. When I saw her on this, she wasn’t as gorgeous as I remembered her.