I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Today, I felt it again. That feeling that I hadn’t known in so very long. It was this inner knot I could feel in my stomach, combined with a lump in my throat. I was terribly nervous for no reason. I remember having this feeling sometimes in high school, especially in junior high. It was paralyzing, controlling and I couldn’t escape. I don’t know why it came today. All I was doing was reading mags at Shinders’. But it came, so I tried to run. The feeling followed me half way home before it ceased. I don’t know why it came, but I hate it. I hope it never surfaces again. It’s the one thing that’s limited me all of my life.

Huh, now here’s a sensation I didn’t even remember having until I read this. I mean, I still don’t remember this sensation, but I’ll take my word for it. I’m sure I had a debilitating anxiety disorder. I still have to talk myself into doing some really basic stuff every so often, and it’s really annoying, but never anything like I’m describing here. Whew!