I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Every so often it comes, and I know it. This time it was a surprise. I never saw it coming. I don’t know why, either. So here I am sitting in my room crying for no reason and writing about nothing. I’m feeling hollow and helpless. As scared as the baby robin that fell out of it’s nest today. Something is wrong, terribly wrong. I feel horrible, as soon as I went into Chris’ house I felt it and it just got worse. I am in a lot of pain right now inside, and for that there is no cure except to wait. I want to be alone but cannot, I am helpless, scared, lost and crying out for someone to save me.

     I wonder if that robin made it home.

I didn’t know I cried so much during this time, but I guess it makes perfect sense

I remember clearly this experience with the baby robin. I was in the kitchen and could hear this bird continually chirping/screaming. Finally, I found where the cacophony was coming from. There was a baby robin in the middle of our suburban street continually sounding off. I watched it through the window for a little while, trying to puzzle together what to do, I guess.

I was finally prompted into action when a young girl – probably 10 or so – discovered it as well, and was making a move to pick it up. I had always heard that if you touch a baby bird, your scent will make the mother kill it even if you do find its nest, so I rushed out to keep the girl from laying a finger on the hatchling. I must’ve been pretty stern about it, because that little girl straight up ran home as soon as I came out.

I spent the next hour trying to locate the nest this bird came from, but with no luck. I finally got some cardboard and newspaper so I could transport it to a copse of trees in a nearby lawn without touching it. I left it still chirping in a panic, knowing it would be dead soon. I still have no idea if that thing about not touching a baby bird is true.