I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

Almost everyone seems to think that they are psychically attuned in some manner. I am no different, but my extent of theophosical knowledge seems to go beyond the norm. I find myself to enjoy thinking.

A destiny of greatness unknown, for knowledge often leads to the wrong path.

There are so many things I want to do, with limited time available to do them. One of these must be it. Why? My time on this quest goes up through August, then this quest and all other quests are to be finished. I better make sure not to back out this time by making myself an oath.

- If, by the end of August/beginning of September, 1992. I, Jay Fitzlo Jarret J Fitzloff, have not in some means achieved success that allows me to forego college either by current or soon to be financial well being and/or destined greatness, then this life shall be terminated, to begin again anew, another chance.

The oath to myself is, of course, based on my opinion, but I shall not lie to myself. I will know the truth and act upon it accordingly.

Hate to ruin the ending for you here, but I didn’t kill myself. I didn’t achieve current or soon to be financial well being either, or destined greatness.

This wasn’t the first time I made a suicide ultimatum to myself. I remember being in the shower and swearing that I’d kill myself if I didn’t have sex by the time I graduated high school. Didn’t achieve that goal either. Yeah, I had all kinds of sound reasons for ending it.