I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. These excerpts are from a dream journal I kept for a brief time because I was convinced I was seeing the future while sleeping.

Feb 19: Dreamed that I was trying to blow all the smoke out of my lungs from smoking. Breathed out as hard as I could.

This has probably happened at some point in my life, but I hardly think it qualifies me as prophetic.

Feb 20: Keep forgetting to write these down.

Feb 21: Had a dream that Anthrax was on the Simpsons. I was trying to put a kick bass drum together properly, but was completely unable to do so.

I don’t know if Anthrax has been on the Simpsons, but I do know I’ve never tried to assemble a drum of any kind.

Feb ‘92 - Lightly I stroked her upper leg with my guided hand.

Maybe, but again too vague.

- Ramne had a bloody mouth and learned to take a shower, dry himself off and to fold towels.

Never happened, but wouldn’t it have been boss if it did.

- The devil chased me after I left his ceremony. I psychically blew his eyes out, then his ears, then his head.

[REPEAT PREVIOUS COMMENT HERE]

Was at a theater that showed videos. When Pearl Jam came on, I began to dance. The girl I began to dance with threw me over all the seats and I hit the bottom of the screen.

I’ve never even been to a Pearl Jam show.

I think it had something to do with me going to a dance with a girl. Then Cindy Crawford called and said she could go with. I didn’t break my date. I told Cindy that I had another date for her and I really surprised a friend of mine.

Never happened, but I like that I kept my word and gave Crawford the cold shoulder.

I dreamed about Arby’s and talking to the old crew about our times there. And I saw Marty all alone. He told me I was a true friend and gave me his number. I lost it and never saw him again.

This never happened. Marty was my best friend when I worked at Arby’s. We loved making fun of the new people that got hired there, and I’ll always consider him the guy that introduced me to good music. After we both quit, I think we saw each other twice, then never again. I wonder what became of him.

Mar ‘92 - All in one night, I had sex as a swamp creature, but still mainly human. Somehow in there we got hassled by a magician. Made a dollar by using the Godfather for help. Learned to play the guitar pretty well and had an owl who loved to hear me play.

If I had dreams like this every night, I would sleep all the time.

- Got a letter from Sarah that I was dissapointed with. It had about eight full page pencil sketches.

Never got a letter like that.

While pretending to be an X-Mas package, I got hassled by a little kid while talking to Marty. An old man started beating me up because I was hassling the kid. After a while, the manager gave us the ok to attack the old guy. Chris & I pretty much pummeled him, then took a shuttle to another planet. I was stuck there for a bit and checked a star chart to see the flight route. Luckily the Drug Emporium shot flares to signal the spacecraft, which I saw, and followed to that planets Drug Emporium. Someone borrowed me the penny to fly there and while on board, my girlfriend wouldn’t talk to me the entire trip.

This totally happened. It was one crazy day!

- Went to the Apple River and went down on rafts that were shaped like Figure Eights. Some people climbed up, but they all had beards. Saw Theresa and her friends. Saw a long blond haired girl who said Hi to me, I think I knew her.

Been to the Apple River (it rules!) but this never happened.

Due to the inconsistent and illedgible nature of my dream journal, we shall have to discontinue it. That will teach me to write as soon as my eyes open. At least wait until you get up.

And thus concludes my week long diversion into the world of my adolescent dreams. Sorry, young me, I’m afraid you’re just not clairevoyant. Good night!