I have been writing in a journal on an almost-daily basis since I was 17 years old. This is a record of me going through each entry from the beginning, and commenting on the me from fifteen years ago.

I have the need to be someone, not just an off statistic among the many. I need not money, I need recognition. I want my name to mean something to strangers. Either through my words or by my appearance or anything, I want my name to perk ears and widen eyes.

Just for someone to come to me and say “Aren’t you Jay Fitzloff?” would be enough. Unless I change my name.

Then they could say “Aren’t you ______ ____” or whatever.

I’ve always wanted this above all other things. And I hope to attain this however I can.

I don’t feel this way anymore. I still seek recognition, but not from strangers - only people I know. In college, I was writing for the paper and was on the radio, and was generally very visible. I became this very localized personality, to the point where people I didn’t know would call me by name and ask my opinions on things, my opinion apparently mattering because I spouted my mouth publicly. I hated it, and immediately sought to be a more private being.