Fri 29 Sep 2006
Tips for those taking a picture of their weiners for Casual Encounters on Craigslist:
1) Creating perspective with an object is fine, but be careful of what you use. Holding a remote control next to your boner is not sexy. Nor is a toilet paper roll or an action figure. Think chic and classy, like an iPod or $100 bill.
2) Be wary of what is in the background of your cockshot. Your body in the background is great if you’re hot. Flabby dudes need background ambiance. A toilet, especially one with yellowed water, is not ambiance. That is nasty.
3) Do you really think a pic of your cock is going to attract a woman? And even if such a thing were possible, what makes your schlong so great amongst the thousands of other desperate, horny and magnificently endowed you’re competing with?
4) Masturbate.
CONTENTS:
 |
Slickaphonics “I’ve Had It” (1987)
This song proves that, yes, even musicians get the blues sometimes. If only there was some kind of musical genre for them to express their disappoinment in. Sadly, there isn’t. Did you know that for less than the price of a cup of coffee, you can save a musician’s feelings? |
| The Ropes “Kill Her Off” (Right Now)
This band plays in New York. They like me and I like them. So, if you’re in New York City, and are the kind of person who likes to go out, then go see them. If you don’t like to go out, then what the fuck are you living in New York City for anyway? The affordable rent? |
|
 |
White Cloud “Qualified” (1972)
I really hate going to job interviews because you have to sell yourself and prove that you’re qualified to work there. Really, shouldn’t it be the other way around? After all, I took time out of my valuable cereal eating schedule to show up. The least you could do is woo me with an amazing 401k. |
 |
U.K. Squeeze “Sex Master” (1978)
Every semi-serious gym in the world has at least one person who is ugly as shit, but who thinks they’re gorgeous because of all the work they put into their body. They don’t realize that even the healthiest cow in the world is still a fucking cow. I love them. Their positivity is contagious. |
| Alvin Youngblood Hart “Big Mama’s Door (1996)
At first, I thought I was listening to a re-release of a majorly ancient record. Nope, the album is only ten years old, and the whole thing is as good as this. Technology is nice, but simplicity can still kick it righteous when in a master’s hand. |
|
 |
Rigor Mortis “Condemned to Hell” (1988)
Holy fucking shit, check out this album cover! It’s got a skull with a rad hairdo that has an axe and flail instead of crossbones! Is this the best group ever or what? |
 |
Ruthless “Another Day In Hell” (1985)
Holy fucking shit, check out this album cover! It’s got a skull with a rad hairdo that has an axe and flail instead of crossbones! Is this the best group ever or what? |
 |
Translator “Ronnie Raygun Blues” (1986)
Neck skin wiggling when he chews? For cute! |
