I do not like the suburbs because I hate to see people wasting their time on stupid things. The world as humans know it will end in 2012, so free moments should be spent on entertaining pursuits. Suburbanites spend too much time decorating and caring for their lawn. When I see a perfectly manicured and adorned patch of grass, I am sad. It would be much more efficient and fun to have green pavement.

INITIATE EPISODE SIXTEEN

CONTENTS:

The Nite-Liters - Morning, Noon & The Nite-Liters The Nite-Liters “Tanga Boo Gonk” (1971)

When you see a song title like this, it really doesn’t matter how good the rest of the tracks on the record are. Sure, you’ll listen to them and act like you’re considering them for front-runners. But you know the truth. Tanga Boo Gonk is the only one that’s going to make the cut when this little charade is through.
Silverhead - Silverhead Silverhead “Rolling With My Baby” (1972)

Sadly, sometimes simply being really good isn’t enough. Silverhead is proof of this. I can’t figure out why this group wasn’t a smash across the nation. Half the tracks on the album are Top 40 worthy singles, they have the requisite funky look, and everything’s catchy as hell. They should have fired their manager.
The O'kanes - Tired of the Runnin' The O’Kanes “All Because of You” (1988)

This is what a television pop-therapist would think of this: Everything you’re saying is positive, but you’re empowering the other person and becoming co-dependent. True happiness comes from within, and from my books, audio programs and seminars. Dump this person, be miserable, and watch more of me.
The Now - The Now The Now “What’s Her Name” (1979)

As a being that forgets names a lot, I often found myself using the terms ‘whatshername’ and ‘whatshisname’ a lot. Then I got bored of it and switched to ‘whatshisnuts.’ It works when you’re talking about guys, but seems inappropriate if you’re referring to a female. ‘Whatshercunt’ is close, but then it sounds like you don’t like them, which isn’t the case at all. You can’t even remember her name, so how could you hate her?
Don Blackman - Don Blackman Don Blackman “You Ain’t Hip” (1982)

This song uses the word ‘motherchucker’ continuously, and it makes me laugh. I keep picturing a muscleman running around and chucking people’s mothers into things, like display windows. It’s at times like this that I wish I was a video director.
The Dirty Dozen Brass Band - The New Orleans Album The Dirty Dozen Brass Band “That’s How You Got Killed Before” (1990)

I heard that when you die, you’re automatically entered in a pie eating contest with five other people that have just kicked it. The last one to finish eating their pie goes to purgatory. What’s tricky is that there’s no warning of what’s going on. You die, then are sitting at a picnic table with a bunch of strangers with a pie in front of you. When the starting pistol sounds, most just sit confused. Now you’ll have the upper hand.
The Calamities - The Calamities The Calamitites “Le Supermarche/You Can’t Sit Down” (1984)

I have been pulling my teeth and putting them under my pillow, begging the tooth fairy to magically deliver unto me more Calamities albums. So far the only thing I’ve received is apple sauce, yogurt and mashed potatoes.