I have nothing against strippers lifting weights. My problem lies in all the weight room dudes tripping over their 45 pound plates to help them and thereby talk to them. They don’t ask you for body building or drooling tips when they are spinning on their poles. When I see an accountant at a Taco Bell, I don’t get out my checkbook and beg him to balance it for free. I ask him if his tostada is good. That’s valuable information. Be smart, bring some spare bills with you when you go to the gym so you can make it clear what you are attempting.

INITIATE EPISODE TEN

CONTENTS:

The Future Sound “The Bop Step” (1992)
At some point in your scholastic career, you learn that poetry doesn’t have to rhyme. But with rap music being so prevalent, I’ve got to imagine a lot of kids in English class saying, “Dis ‘Not Waving But Drowning’ poem is aight, but it ain’t got flow like ‘Ozymandius,’ know what I’m sayin”
Bonnie Koloc - Hold On To Me Bonnie Koloc “Sweet Mama” (1972)
I used to live in a recently gentrified part of Brooklyn, and every so often I’d walk by some people and they’d say, “Man, this neighborhood ain’t hard no more.” If I had this lady with me, she’d hear that, whip out her gloc, fire a couple shots in the air, and say, “Who’s hard now, motherfuckers? Huh? Who’s hard now?”
Albert Hammond - The Free Electric Band Albert Hammond “The Day the British Army Lost the War” (1973)
It was really hard to pick the best track off this album. It was all great stuff. It was like listening to a really good Elton John record, with the main difference being that Albert Hammond isn’t a fucker.
Tim Hardin - Tim Hardin 4 Tim Hardin “Airmobile” (1968)
Airmobiles? Please, will you all get over this dream. Airmobiles suck. Your hair gets all messed up and you’re guaranteed to get a few bugs up your nose.
The Darling Buds - You've Got to Choose The Darling Buds “You’ve Got to Choose” (1989)
The singer of this group sounds cute. Some girls have the ability to sound cute, and it’s usually true. I don’t think guys have the ability to sound handsome. If they did, I would like to exploit this ability.
Nolan - No Apologies Nolan “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum” (1970)
Whenever breakfast time comes, this little kid I know comes stomping into the kitchen like he’s a giant and says, “Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of an English Muffin!” No matter how many times I see the performance, it’s still the funniest fucking thing of all time.
Isis “Face the Bass” (1990)
Club Patron Number 1: “Yo, that song just called me a sissy!”Club Patron Number 2: “It did?”

Club Patron Number 1: “Yeah, I swear I heard…there! It did it again! I’m gonna go fuck that song up!”

Club Patron Number 2: “C’mon, be cool. Don’t do it.

Club Patron Number 1: “Fuck that! Songs can’t go around talking smack like that.”

Club Patron Number 2: “Look, I hear what you’re saying, but do you really want to face the bass?”

Club Patron Number 1: “…damn, thanks for talking me down. I almost got my ass kicked.”

Club Patron Number 2: “You’d do the same for me.”