I knew a vampire once. In fact, we were roommates. He was super duper nice, and I never had to pay rent. It was a sweet setup, but I always had the feeling that deep down he didn’t like me. I think it was because I didn’t have blood he could suck out of me. But there was that one time I didn’t take off my dirty boots while laying on the couch…

INITIATE EPISODE SEVEN

CONTENTS:

Root Boy Slim & the Sex Change Band with The Rootettes Root Boy Slim & the Sex Change Band with The Rootettes “My Wig Fell Off” (1978)


It’s not easy being truly funny, but the lesson that can be learned from Root Boy is that the road to hilarity is saying whatever the fuck is on your mind. If you’ve got a song idea about boning underage girls, having a treatable skin disease, or throwing up, then go for it. Well, actually, think up something new because these guys already sang about those things.
  That Petrol Emotion “Big Decision” (1987) 

Supposedly, these guys broke up after ten years because they ran out of things to say. Smart move.
The Ramrods - Jivin' n' Twistin' The Ramrods “Fun Night” (1986) 

Did the word ramrod not have a have a homosexual connotation in 1986 or are these the coolest teen boys in all of history?
The Broadcasters - 13 Ghosts The Broadcasters “Down In the Trenches” (1987) 

Albums like this piss me off. It’s totally solid, with no song dipping below average, and it leaves you curious about the group’s other work. So you search around, and find out there are no other albums. This is it. Damn it!
Arthur Lee - Vindicator Arthur Lee “Sad Song” (1972)

Amazing. That sums up Lee’s entire career. He was in a killer band called Love, but decided he was too good for the rest of them (maybe he was right), and went solo so they wouldn’t slow him down. His solo albums can go pretty far out, like a guy flirting with madness, but if that’s not the kind of record you’re looking for then might I recommend a lite radio station?
  Apache “Apache Ain’t Shit” (1992)

So, you’re telling me that there are actually rappers out there that have skill, don’t take themselves too seriously, and go off on things other than women and material possessions? Well, this has been a lovely fanciful tale that you’ve been spinning, but I’m not buying it. What? You’re not joking with me? Alright, prove it. Okay, I will listen to this Apache album. Shit, you were right.
  Les Crane “Friends” (1971)

Do you know one of those people that’s always complaining about all their problems, most of which are self-created and/or fucking stupid? Do you not want to listen to another drawn-out tale of how awful the world is yet want to still be nice? Then give them this album. It’s one long self-help, learn to love yourself sing-a-long. Then the next time they start, you can cut them short before they get too deep into their bullshit by saying, “Uh, side one, track five. I’m out.”